It seems that, lately, I’ve been writing a lot of posts that I don’t finish because they’re just not good. My attempts at being educational or philosophical come off sounding like a coin-op genie and I think only a pompous ass would post such an ill thought out monologue of nonsense. It’s not that trying to relate fitness or PiYo related things to real-life, off-the-mat scenarios is wrong or anything, it’s just that I haven’t been very good at it and it makes me feel self conscious. Or maybe it’s because I’m avoiding what’s really on my mind and that’s this: I’m split between two worlds and the other one feels like it’s slipping away.
When a musician plays through a written piece of music for the first time, it’s called sight reading. A player’s ability to read and respond to written ques is a valuable, time saving commodity.
Life is all about recognition and response, sight reading, if you will.
Things change from one moment to the next, our selective focus will see this, but not that, and we will call it reality. The ground shakes and we try to keep our balance but sometimes when this happens the object of our focus shifts. A closing door often looks like the end and the knee jerk reaction is to keep trying to open it back up, to avoid failure, to avoid loss. Precious time is wasted standing in front of a closed door, staring at a closed door, praying to a closed door, pounding on a closed door and never once looking around to see what else there is. There’s open doors everywhere, so why sit in front of the closed one?
Any endeavor will present challenges to be overcome and, in accordance with the laws of nature, only the strongest and most determined will survive. I’m not suggesting that you give up on something because it becomes difficult but I’m asking you to consider the possibility that sometimes doors open and close for a reason. You may have worked very hard to build a house only to discover that you don’t like living in it or that it doesn’t fit you anymore and it is so easy to believe that you are the house, the project, the business, the object of your creation, when in fact you are none of these things. Suck on that for awhile; you are not your job.
Buddhists say that the cause of all suffering is attachment and most of us think this means attachment to things or people but ultimately it is the attachment to ideas. We hold ideas about our things, our friends, love, and our relative position in society but it is all a house of mirrors, showing us facets of ourselves and nothing more. This is why we defend ideas so fiercely because we are actually defending ourselves. But here it is again, you are not your job, you are not your possessions and you are not your relationships. All of these things are transitory, all can be taken away or leave of their own accord.
Should you feel like you’ve woken up in a hotel room, full of things that you own, yet unfamiliar and distressing, I suggest that you stop working harder and take a look around. It’s ok to change directions if you’re going the wrong way.
Interpret how you will.